There are a couple of possibilities here.

Maybe you’re a serial employment seeker. Well versed in the ins and outs of starting a new job. Or, you’re freshly unwrapped and standing, like a deer in the headlights, in the path of the oncoming work train.

Either way, welcome to the rest of your life.

Or not, as the case may be.

Have you received your induction pack yet? Isn’t it great? The induction pack is your introduction to your new best friend in the world forever. Your employer.

Give them a hug. Go on, this can wait. There you go. Aww!

Your pack, glistening in the sunlight and soaked in the juice of hope and possibility, contains everything you will ever want or need to know.

• There will be a message, just for you, from the big boss themselves. The Chief Executive Officer. Ooh!
• The company mission statement. Their values, strategy, and vision. What they plan for their, and your, future. Woot!
• Your very own contract and personal information forms. Hurrah!
• The company structure and contact information for those, oh so helpful departments and management teams. Yay!
• Details of initial training. Whee!
• Copies of employment policies and procedures for you to keep and read at your leisure. Ding!
• Reporting procedures. Who, what, where, and how? Zap!

After briefly admiring your pack and filling in your forms, there might be an induction video to watch. At the very least somebody, or multiple somebodies, will talk at you for a bit.

You may then receive a tour of the premises, with highlights such as vending machines, toilets and fire exits pointed out for you to goggle at.

Then you will, potentially, receive whatever training is deemed necessary for you to perform your role.

And that’s pretty much it. You might also get a Continued Professional Development folder that, if nothing else, makes for a handy doorstop.

There will be some omissions from your induction pack of course. If your employer printed out every single policy, procedure and risk assessment the resulting stack could reach the ceiling, and become a hazard. Which would use up a lot of paper and wouldn’t do much for the company’s Environmental Awareness certification.

You have what you need. Perhaps a health and safety policy or two. Certainly, the Grievance and Disciplinary procedures will be present. Just in case you’re naughty.

Other policies such as Dignity at Work and Equality at Work are available, somewhere. Maybe the Pension Policy contains information you wouldn’t be any happier for knowing. By all means run a search on the company server when you have a moment. Not busy? We can find you something to do.

If you don’t have access to the server, all you have to do is ask. But why would you? What possible reason could you have to ask? Is there a reason why you’re asking?

You have your pack. You have your training.

Let’s make some money.

ALL HAIL THE SHAREHOLDER!